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This article discusses the topic of sexual harassment. There are support links available below if you are effected by the contents of this article. Please read with care.

Something that has stuck with me, and I expect always will, was a response that I got when opening up about an incident of sexual harassment that happened 3 years ago. I was at a train station on my way home from a day out when a man tried to grab my bum as I stood up to board the train.

The reaction I got: you should be flattered that someone thought you were that you were attractive enough to make a pass at you. By placing my value in the eyes of the assailant, any remaining confidence I held onto at that point disintegrated and I was reduced to a mere object in the eyes of that man. In an instant my heart was completely shredded and lay in strips in front of me on the pavement. From that moment on I have been incredibly quiet about my experiences of sexual harassment and assault, only telling people who I completely trust. Still, it doesn’t get any easier.

One question I ask myself when reflecting on the incidents are: why didn’t I do anything in that situation? Why didn’t I put my middle finger up at the catcalling lorry driver, or tell the man to remove his arm from around my waist and to stop breathing down my neck, or to just remove myself from the situation altogether? As a young woman I believe I am programmed by society to take any male advances (sexual or otherwise) as a compliment, to politely accept them and move on with my day. However, this has led to generations of individuals who place their self-worth external to them: they can’t accept any compliment (genuine or not) because they a) don’t believe it and b) have been brainwashed to believe that, despite being complimented, they should not accept it for fear of coming across as too confident or bold. Parallel to this, men are told that they can take what they want from women, that consent isn’t important or ‘sexy’ as the woman will not accept any compliment or advance, so they may as well try.

I see two common threads weaving their way through this narrative: men feeling entitled to make comments, taking what they want without a single consideration for the woman's comfort in that situation and the fact that many do not get reprimanded at all for their words and actions. This is what sickens me: how individuals have been allowed to get away with it for so long. However, there seems to be change in the water. Despite the increased media coverage and conversations about this topic, it saddens me as it took a young woman to be murdered whilst walking home for people to speak out about it. Yet still people are asking questions about what she was wearing, why she was walking home alone at night and not asking the most important question: why do men feel entitled to act in such a way towards women?

It needs to be remembered that sexual harassment is not just targeted towards women from men: it is an issue in the LGBTQ+ community, especially against black transgender women. However, it has taken the murder of a young white woman to get this issue to be talked about. Transgender and Non-binary individuals are twice as likely to be victims of crime as cis-gender people which is an issue that needs to be addressed. Sexual violence against women isn’t the only way it manifests; it is an intersectional issue that needs to be dealt with for the increased safety of all.

I am just a small part of the 97% of young females who have been victims of sexual harassment, yet it is still a taboo subject that is not discussed. This needs to change. And it isn’t a case of a few individuals need to change: society needs to be held accountable before any more lasting damage is done.

- Bee

GLOSSARY

Transgender - An umbrella term for anyone whose gender identity does not match their sex and/or gender assigned at birth.

Non-Binary - Existing or identifying outside the sex/gender binary, being neither man nor woman, or being on partially or a combination of these things.

Cisgender - A person whose gender identity is the same as their sex and/or gender assigned at birth.

Definitions sourced from "The ABC's of LGBT+"by Ash Hardell

Below are some links to helpful websites that explain the nature of sexual harassment and assault alongside some sites providing support if you have been affected by anything I have mentioned in this post.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/what-are-the-different-types-of discrimination/sexual-harassment/

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/sexual-harassment

https://leanin.org/sexual-harassment/individuals

[Statistic taken from the UN Women UK website: available here https://www.unwomenuk.org/safe spaces-now]

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